The stockings have been hung by the fire with care, the sugar plums completed their dance and trees haven been taken down. Now is the time of year where resolutions are in the air. January 1st means the setting of goals and behavioral change to many. People hit the gym, start yoga classes, take up cooking, and start the year off strong. However, many of these resolutions stay just that, a goal that wasn’t reached. Why is that?
Part of the problem is that people often set goals to punish themselves rather than to celebrate the things that they can already do or are capable of. While anger and self-criticism can pack a powerful punch and set a fire under someone, those emotions also fade and simmer out just as quickly as they came in. When we fuel a goal out of disapproval, the accompanying self-talk is very often just as negative.
“You need to work out because you’re overweight.”
“You need to eat better because you eat like garbage.”
“You need to be calmer, you are too stressed out”
In other words, all ways of saying that you are not good enough the way that you are. Now imagine you set off to start a marathon and every mile you go people are shouting negative criticism that you will not make it. For some people that can motivate them to prove others wrong, for most people, it is just discouraging and leads to decreased motivation and further disappointment. Why would you do anything differently if you are already starting off the goal thinking you NEED to do it because you can’t do it or couldn’t do it last year? This year try something a little different.
Explore your “Why”.
Ask yourself why this change is going to benefit you and why it is important to you. Maybe you want to get healthier, feel more grounded, or increase the amount of energy you have to be able to spend more quality time with the people you love. It doesn’t have to be the most important “why” in the world as long as it is meaningful to you in some way.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Maybe you didn’t lose 10 lbs. in one day or run a marathon but maybe you drank a little bit more water and got 8 hours of sleep last night or you were able to communicate to your partner that your feelings were hurt when you normally would stay silent. Write down the wins, big or small, that were steps that you took each day to get to your bigger goal. Any amount of progress or change is worth celebrating. Once you notice all of the small changes, you start to see yourself as someone capable of change. Look at the characteristics someone needs to be able to drink a glass more of water or talk an extra 10-minute walk in the morning. Words like determined, creative, flexible, start to come to mind and describe the changes you are making.
Plan for Resistance
Behavior change is hard. There will be resistance. This does not mean that you are not capable and should end the journey towards your goal. It means that your body likes homeostasis and patterns. When we change the pattern, once the initial motivation has worn off, we are left with resistance similar to that of drying concrete. Create a plan for WHEN this happens not IF this happens.
Go Back to Your “Why”
Remind yourself of why this goal is important to you. Create goals that celebrate the life you are living or want to live rather than punish you for not being there yet.
While the New Year can be a time of motivation and change, it is also okay to take a step back from the normal way of doing things and try something different. Ask yourself what kind of support you might need from yourself and others to be able to reach this goal. Celebrate the wins that come along the journey and when things get tough, increase the supports you are allowing yourself to receive, from others and from yourself. Maybe this year can be different if you allow yourself to treat yourself differently and create change out of support and nurturance rather than anger and disappointment. Drop a comment down below and let us know goals you have and how we can support you. Happy Sunday! I hope a beautiful week awaits you!
Mind-Body-Connection 