Have you ever had an anxious moment and someone said to you, “Oh don’t worry,” and it was the least helpful thing you have ever heard in your life? We’ve all been there. Now, that person who gave you the most unhelpful answer in the world does not mean any harm. They are trying to help. They are trying to provide you with an answer to a fear that you are experiencing. Now let’s talk about why that doesn’t work.
When you are having an anxious response, your body is sending out messages that you are in danger, that you are scared, or that something bad is going to happen. Your body is feeling threatened. Now when someone says, “Oh, don’t worry,” as well-meaning as it is, it’s too late. You are already there. Your body is already there. You have already had one million thoughts, half a million preparatory actions and contemplated running away before you even voiced your concerns to the other person. Now that is a bit of an exaggeration to prove a point, however, your body has released chemicals and thoughts which resulted in biological and physiological responses in the body. It’s too late to, “not worry about it”.
When we are in that state, with the thoughts, and the chemical, and the physiological responses, our body is trying to make sense of what to do to protect ourselves. We are searching for answers. So, another person also searching for answers usually does not calm down the response. In that state, we need safety and understanding. Repeat that after me, “When I am anxious, I need safety and understanding”. Imagine how it would feel to have someone say, “That makes so much sense that you feel scared. That sounds like a really scary thought”. Followed up with sitting with you in that fear. No coming up with answers. No not worrying, but allowing yourself to find safety and understanding.
In order to counteract the fear and threatened state, we have to allow our bodies to re-establish safety in those moments. That can mean something different for everyone. Now, we do not always need someone else to provide us with safety and understanding. However, at times it can be helpful to have support that feels stable when we feel unsteady. By acknowledging our needs to ourselves and clearly communicating our needs to others it can help us achieve our needs more easily and improve our communication within our relationships with others.
Understanding our needs as human beings is an important first step in responding to our needs. Once we understand our fears and can validate those fears without judgement, we are able to respond to them in a way that creates safety and understanding. This response reduces the stress response in our body and is a key step in reducing overall stress and anxiety in our lives. This week experiment with choosing understanding and safety rather than judgement and denial of anxiety and see where it takes you.
Mind-Body-Connection 