One of the most important things in life is how connected we feel with others and the relationships we form and cultivate. Creating meaningful connection to others can improve our mood, self-esteem, and general perception of ourselves. The key word here is meaningful. Not all relationships are created equal and so today, I want to focus on the word, cultivate, in particular.
Relationships of any kind; family, friend, significant other etc, take careful cultivation and energy to create, build and maintain. The effort that we put into these relationships impacts how meaningful they are in our lives. We have to develop these relationships by continually getting to know the other people we engage with, being curious about them and recognizing their changes, strengths and short comings. But how do we do this? How do we create connection?
Building connection can mean many things to different people. Everyone has their own threshold for what it means to truly connect. With this in mind, there are certain things that help build up connection and help us to celebrate the beauty of relationship.
- Love languages- Gary Chapman developed the idea of the Five Love Languages. He wrote a wonderful book called “The Five Love Languages,” that goes into detail about how we connect with others and how the main way may not be the same for everyone. He explored how there are five main ways individuals connect including quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch and gifts. Explore the ways the important people in your life show you how they love you. You might get a hint as to what is important in how they receive love as well.
- Communicating- How often have you used the phrase, “Well, they should just know,” or, “If they knew me well enough…” when talking about close relationships? While we do want to know others, we also have to communicate when something is important to us. Communicating clearly provides direction and limits miscommunications. It can also decrease anxiety in relationships by eliminating unnecessary guessing.
- Sharing- A specific part of communicating is sharing pieces of ourselves with others so that they can get to know us better. Sharing allows us to improve our knowledge of the other person as well as increases our sense of emotional closeness by being vulnerable. As we grow in closeness and vulnerability we learn about how to best connect with someone.
These processes look different for everyone and are by no means a one size fits all solution for closeness. Some relationships need more vulnerability, while others may need firmer boundaries to feel comfortable and safe. Explore these ideas in your close relationships and see how you can grow and celebrate connection throughout the week!
Mind-Body-Connection 