Changing the Narrative

Last week we talked about change. We explored why, at times, change can be so challenging. One of the hardest things about change is that the new preferred way of thinking or behaving feels foreign to who we are. It doesn’t feel like us. Not yet. In order to feel more comfortable in change we have to change our narrative to a certain extent. Let’s explore changing the narrative.

            A narrative is the personal story we have developed for who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming. Over time we gather evidence for this narrative to confirm beliefs we have about ourselves. Sometimes, these are positive aspects of our life such as knowing that you are a hard worker due to examples of past dedication, determination and work ethic. However, at times these beliefs can be limiting. When we have limiting beliefs about ourselves, these thoughts dictate not only what we think is possible for us at the present time, but also limits opportunities and actions we take towards creating a better future. This process of narrowing our opportunities and perspectives can lead to lower self-esteem and poor self-concept.

            Narrowing our perspective can lead to a problem-saturated view of life. This can sound like, “Oh, I am not that kind of person,” or “I have been luck when it comes to…” Over time these beliefs begin to impact the choices we make and behaviors we allow in our lives which limits possibility and potential progress. This creates a cycle of not believing we can achieve something, which impacts our behaviors and willingness to take risks or make choices to bring that desired story into our lives, which confirms our beliefs that we can’t have it in the first place. What a cycle to be in.

            Let’s break the cycle together. Let’s start seeing the places of opportunity in your lived experience. If you want to be someone who is living their best life, look through the chapters of your life in a new way and search for those times where you lived life exactly the way that you want it. Identify any tiny moment where you were one step closer to that goal and start to see yourself in those moments. As people, we are complex. Everyone has had moments of joy, sadness, bravery, courage and success. If we look hard enough we can find examples in our memory. However, we usually choose to give attention to the moments that confirm our original belief. To be more of what we want we must change the narrative. We must expand our perspective of ourselves.

            Let’s do it together. Take out a piece of paper and write down a goal that you have for yourself. Now ask yourself what might be getting in the way of that goal. Maybe you aren’t brave enough, or lucky enough, or have enough support to reach it. Any reasons you can think of, write those down. Now we are going to work on changing that perspective. Look through your memory of times when you were that thing. Write down times you were brave, or lucky, or supported. Write down every single moment you can think of. Then write down what it was like. How did it feel? How did you act? What changed about you? What did you prefer? Explore with yourself your own narrative. Then expand. Explore. Have fun!