Listen

As people, we do not like things that we do not understand. As a result, our brain tries to fill in the gaps to make a coherent story. Usually this serves us well, however, we only have access to information that we have experienced unless we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone and try to learn. So, at times when people are trying to understand something that they have not experienced, they create a narrative that is incorrect. During this process, we can deny someone else’s experience. We can do harm to others. The antidote to this process is curiosity and awareness.

Acknowledging injustice within our community often results in resistance to that idea. “What, no! That doesn’t happen here,” or “But what I said wasn’t racist…” Those thoughts are resistance to the idea that our society is built on a system of power. To truly understand the impact of racial discrimination and racism one needs to explore history, power hierarchies, societal infrastructure, and generational trauma. We need to acknowledge that we live in a society that is based on a system in which discrimination based on race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, and class is alive, to only name a few. When discomfort arises at noticing injustice in our community, I encourage you to be curious with yourself. It makes sense that you feel uncomfortable. Injustice should result in feelings of discomfort.

Many time when people feel uncomfortable, instead of acknowledging the injustice, we try to make it go away. As a result, we deny the experience of others, we may not vocalize the things that they do notice, and we stay quiet. This perpetuates a culture of ignorance and turning a blind eye. I ask that you do not do this. I ask that you question yourself and others with a gentle curiosity that allows you to bring awareness to your own biases and the biases of others. You are not supposed to know everything. You cannot know the experience of billions of people around the world, that is not your job. Nobody can speak to another’s experience; that is not something to feel shame or guilt over. There is compassion in saying, “I do not know and I am willing to listen and validate your experience and try to change”. That is your job.

Listening is something we often forget to do when we are trying to prove a point. Our desire to defend a position increases when we feel someone is saying something that shows us in a poor light.  We get defensive. We deny. In any interaction between people it is important to stress that you are listening to understand rather than listening to respond. It is important to say, “I hear you”. It is okay to not understand. That makes us human. However, we need to hear out others to improve our relationships with others. We need to listen.

I am not a black American. I cannot speak to that experience. However, I can listen. I can validate. I can bring awareness to injustice when I see it occurring. That is my job in humanity and my duty to make our community a safer place for all. I know some of you may read this and think it is not your problem or scoff at these ideas. I am not writing this for you. I am writing this for the people who read this and feel the twinge of guilt arise in your chest. Pay attention to that feeling. Be curious about it. Do something about it. It is your job.