Boundaries are the ways in which individuals communicate their needs and desires to others and set limits with what they deem acceptable in their life. There are many types of boundaries that we need in our lives. These include boundaries when it comes to our emotions, cognition, physicality and time. Boundaries serve to protect our self-interest and our concept of self.
Boundaries exist in many different facets of our lives. Emotional boundaries set the tone for how we share and receive emotions from others. At times, we may be able to be more emotionally present for others depending on the events in our own lives. At other times, we may need to conserve our emotional energy for ourselves. Having emotional boundaries aides in communicating these needs to others and protecting our emotional wellbeing. This may sound like knowing that it is not your job to “fix” others and can offer support without it infringing upon your own emotional wellness. While supporting others can add incredible value to our lives, having boundaries ensures we do not do this to our detriment.
Protecting our thoughts and belief system falls into the category of setting cognitive boundaries. When setting these boundaries with others we are conscious of our thoughts and beliefs and put value in the experience of having our beliefs be heard or expressed. While this does not mean that we are disrespectful of others views, we are able to express our inner voice while being cognoscente of respecting others. This may sound something like, “That isn’t a topic I am comfortable discussing right now, but I would love to talk about…” By responding in this way, we are able to communicate our limits while also engaging with someone in a positive way. Someone with strong cognitive boundaries is comfortable expressing their thoughts and beliefs and stay true to those beliefs even when confronted by others.
Physical boundaries explore our connection with the physical world. While these boundaries can be as obvious as a closed door that creates a physical barrier, they also refer to our comfort level with physical closeness, PDA, and touch. At times, it becomes necessary to communicate comfort level with various physical interactions. Sometimes, a boundary can be as simple as taking a step back to increase physical distance. At other times, a more communicative boundary is necessary to communicate clear discomfort and desired behavioral change.
How time is valued also constitutes a boundary. Exploring with yourself your limits for time can give insight into your relationships with others. Are you often spending time on others rather than meeting your own needs? Do you communicate about tardiness with friends and family? Do you make yourself late to answer an “important” phone call that could wait until after your meeting? All of these examples explore various boundaries with time.
One of the most important aspects of setting boundaries is setting boundaries with yourself. Are you able to maintain integrity in the way in which you engage with yourself and others or maybe is this something to explore within yourself? Maybe the emotional boundary comes into play when you silence some negative self-criticism or you enforce a time limit with yourself by making an “appointment” to workout a priority for your health. Exploring the boundaries with yourself and others can lead to more positive mood and interactions with yourself and others.
Setting boundaries can often get a bad rep, however they lead to healthier relationships with ourselves and others. Very often there can be a fear of setting boundaries that are too harsh due to worries of upsetting others or leading to conflict. One way to stay true to yourself while also being respectful of others is to validate the other persons emotions and experience while setting a boundary. This often leads to the other person feeling heard while setting clear expectations within your interactions. Clarity helps ease anxiety and can be a kindness in your relationships with others. Boundaries lead to reduces anxiety, more balanced relationships, and lessened resentment. So, next time you need to set a boundary think about how kind it is to be clear.
Mind-Body-Connection 